A lot of men who have fantasies about being cuckolded find themselves stopping short when it comes to reality of their partner actually going through with it. They would rather keep the fantasy in their head as they know that they are too conventionally hard-wired to conventional monogamy to ever venture there in reality. Here’s an interesting question posted on Cuckold Place and a great reply which sums up what a lot of men who read the blog here will feel.
Some advice wanted, please help
Hi, I’m a lurker on here, meaning the site gets me off and I love the idea but don’t think I could really go through with it. Just after a bit of peace of mind from the experts that can truly see the full story from all sides of cheating.
I was with a girl for 4 years, pretty much ruined my life for her and after those 4 years she cheated on me and dumped me. During the arguments and talks for the few weeks after if I asked her why she did it her response was “I don’t know?”. It was a while back but the fact she doesn’t even seem to have a reason for hurting me so much still gets to me. I tried to cut her out my life but occasionally still see her out and the feelings of anger are unbelievable.
I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they dealt with it? Or maybe if a woman reads this she can give me her view as to why she maybe did it the way she did?
Like I said I do want serious advice but undoubtedly will get the few comments, “your dick was probably too small”, or, “should have got her to cuck you”. Understandably it’s a fetish site it’s going to happen and to be fair sometimes these comments make me laugh when I’m reading other posts. So if anyone can spare some time to take the piss and/or offer me some help would be much appreciated.
And to keep in touch with the websites roots. I have a new girlfriend now, she’s hotter than the ex in context (and no I won’t be putting pictures up) and I do occasionally have fantasies about my ex cuckolding me even though at the time, although I used to look at this site I never wanted it with her. And don’t want it with my current gf either.
Wow sorry for the massive speech
Thanks for your time.
Response from MrsBlackBlowupDoll
One of the principle ways fetishes develop (and pretty much the only way for Fetish Cuckolding) is through the eroticization of fear. People use the process to cope with things so emotionally traumatic and frightening that they have trouble dealing with it rationally. It is a natural, human, deep-wired response.
It is therefore not surprising that, under the circumstances, you occasionally have cuckolding fantasies about your vicious, betraying ex. Indeed, they seem likely to increase somewhat because of your current relationship. You are carrying around this scarring pain from your marriage and are deeply afraid that the new girlfriend will turn out to be as phony and mercenary as your ex-wife. You deal with that fear by eroticizing it.
But here is the thing, beatoffboy: It doesn’t sound to me like you are truly a cuckold fetishist in that you don’t want to be and it doesn’t make you happy. As you have stated, the problem is that you are still healing from the experience with the ex. Under the circumstances, I don’t think you should do anything too bold or risky in terms of cuckolding. In fact, you might be healthier just pulling back from using it in your fantasy life altogether.
(No, I am not attacking the rest of you, my fellow fetishists. I’m talking about this one person at this one point of his life based on the limited information he has shared.)
My advice to you (as someone who has been in a similar situation and burnt one of the first great relationships of his life down over it) is:
1. See a qualified therapist. Not about your sexual fantasies, but about the hurt and anger you still feel about your ex-wife. It will be easier and quicker to work through this with help. Since you still see the ex at the edges of your life and circle (it isn’t like she’s the other side of the world now) it is even more important that you don’t let it fester. Also, you owe it to the girlfriend to become the healthy reasonable partner she deserves.
2. Be honest and open with the girlfriend. You don’t need to burden her with all you baggage, but part of intimate relationships is being open and honest about you vulnerabilities. If she doesn’t already know the tale of your marriage, you should share it with her. If nothing else, you will likely finally get an ally - someone who sees that you were victimized and resents your ex on your behalf and thinks badly of her because of it. It sounds to me like the lack of that kind of righteous empathy from your (alleged) friends has been a stumbling block to the healing process for you. Your new love can help, but only if she knows the score. Also, sharing this with her, trusting her with this vulnerability, while hard, will have a lot of healing power for you too. Especially when (as is 95%+ likely) she reacts by closing ranks with you in sympathy and support rather than as you irrationally fear.
3. If both your girlfriend and a therapist prove helpful, you might get to the point where you and your girlfriend can use your cuckold fantasies in the bedroom occasionally. You would be taking what was a real, raw, wild, hurtful thing and taming it into a controlled, predictable, playtime game. This could be VERY healthy. But, you need to make sure that you are ready for it first. That you won’t freak. That the psychological terror and emotional pain will be in small and controllable enough does. So that means: (A) therapy first, (B) make sure that you and the girlfriend are very solid, that she totally understands and gets it, and that she has had enough time to digest the story of your trauma and the way this heals.
Sorry for being so long winded. But frankly, your problem seems to me only very tangentally related to Fetish Cuckolding, so your posting to this board suggested you needed some real guidance. Please take it all in the good faith it is offered.
Best of luck to you.
You can read some more responses to this subject matter here