December 15, 2008
I’ve been chatting to someone recently who’s been asking me advice on how to get their girlfriend to start fucking other guys. In my years of experience there is never a simple answer to this, but something else came of the conversation that really made me think that everyone in this lifestyle plays the game and thinks a little differently. I’m always asking myself why we are wired in a certain way, why does this do it for us but not that?
The guy said to me he’d discussed the idea with his girlfriend but hadn’t brought it up with his friends as yet and I then thought about my own feelings about other people knowing about my fantasies. I’ve always thought I have a hard ‘don’t give a crap’ attitude when it comes to what people say or think about me, but then I thought that’s not strictly true. I don’t really tell my friends about my desires to see Daisy with other guys. In fact I prefer we play with strangers when we do play and then I prefer them not to know she’s my girl. Either we are friends, flatmate’s or just ‘not involved’. And we have had such great fun playing this way. It’s great watching Daisy from afar in a club as she chats up guys and then the excitement builds as she invites someone back, she’ll introduce me as the friend or flatmate and when we get back I will eventually make my excuses and head to bed. This often leads to the other guy feeling more comfortable if he thinks I’m not the partner and Daisy having some great sex. I love listening to her fuck from another room, having the glorious ache and almost fever that I will be having her used body at some point later. The same is when she goes out on a date on her own. I love the feeling of sexual tension as I wait at home, the other guy doesn’t know I exist. It’s my game with Daisy and I don’t want them to play our game. So I’m thinking that must be a part of me that’s somehow embarrassed or self-conscious that I don’t want this other guy to know what I like sexually.
Most people who know us, knows Daisy works as a model and pornstar as well, so I often get asked the question “How can you let you women fuck other guys?”. Now if I’m feeling brave and this usually to the female inquisitors I will say “Because it turns me on.”. They usually are shocked and you can tell they were expecting the stock-phrase of “Because, that’s just sex and what we have is love”. If I’m feeling half-brave, I’ll say something like “Because we’ve moved on to a different level of sexuality and play that’s not conventional”, that’s always a good one for the sophisticated party conversations lol.
Now with guys, I don’t know what it is but I really don’t like them knowing how I really feel about it all. Daisy knows never to say to another guy, “He likes me fucking other guys” as she knows it makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe one side is I want the guy to feel comfortable and not intimidated to know he has the girl’s partner watching his every move. The other side has to be my own embarrassment for having this kink. And I’m ashamed to say I do often get those pangs of embarrassment and feelings of sexual guilt for feeling the way I do. So when I get asked the “How can you let you women fuck other guys?” question by guys, more often than not I will reply in a manly voice “Because I get to fuck lots of gorgeous girls in return!”. They then move away from the conversation thinking “Oh yeah, Trash is the man, he’s got his life sorted.. blah blah blah…”. I am in a way looking for acceptance from other guys and friends by telling them what I think they want to hear. I think it’s important for me to be liked and accepted and I struggle when I am not.
I grew up as a shy boy, not on the outside of social circles but just tucked in the doorway I’d say, I was never very popular with girls until I reached my late teens. I had a conventional relationship for many years, but have always been fascinated with sex and frustrated at missing out on a lot of things I would have loved to have done. It’s only the last few years I really have had the chance to experiment on a grand scale, check some boxes off and work out what I do want as a man sexually. I think I have found the perfect partner for this lifestyle, but, yes, I still struggle sometimes to be proud of who I am. The guilt and the shame always lurking in the back of my mind. I don’t know where it comes from and I really would love to eradicate it from my thoughts.
How do some of you feel about your own kinks and desires? Do you struggle with them, fight them or accept and be proud of them?
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