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September 18, 2013

A cuckolds response

An interesting letter was sent into me with in response to the post Hurting Hubbys Feelings posted earlier this month.

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Hey Trash! Great site man. I feel that cuckolding will eventually replace traditional marriages and become the accepted norm so your work is needed! Amanda’s story reminded me of my own situation and hope you will forward my response to her (I’m not a site member but considering it). You could post it but I didn’t think that my “psycho-babble” would be a worthy contribution. Maybe my own experiences can explain (and help) Amanda.

Thanks, Tom……

Thank you for sharing your story Amanda.

Situations like this can be perplexing since your husband’s reaction was unexpected. Having had similar feelings when I felt belittled by my spouse and her fuck-buddy (they often chuckled and made me the butt of jokes), I may be able to speculate to some of what happened (but your mate should confess in order for true resolvement). Many cuckolds want to be active participants in their wives sexual experiences rather than be excluded. Contributing factors occurred when your regular “Bull” obliged another male to participate (for respect of the Cuck and Hotwife, permission should have been requested prior), your husband then became anonymous. He was likely dismayed at how the situation progressed while he was disregarded without concern for his presence (some Cucks need to have an idea as to what will occur at get-togethers). When the wife proceeds to enjoy herself without offering some degree of involvement to her spouse the husband may feel rejected. Your husband’s participation should have been more than just “grill management” (again, poor judgment on part of the Bull). You must be commended for “catching the negative vibes” from your hubby and re-focusing on him when it was apparent that he wasn’t normally spectating. Overall I would conclude that too much happened, too fast and your husband displayed a sort of “shock” response.

For a long time I wouldn’t admit to my wife I was having problems with her experiences (I took personal offense to being laughed at for their amusement). My spouse could not understand why I began to indulge in personal gratifications such as a sudden interest in motorcycle riding, finding new groups of friends and secluding myself in the man-cave (all done purposely without offering invitations to her). I felt I needed my own “private” interests and perhaps shunned my wife as a sort of retaliation. I stopped participating in her sexual adventures or showing interests when she tried to bring up the topic. Now a rift developed which was amplified because I wouldn’t express myself (plus I tripled my lone adventure time compared to her date nights). I wasn’t hostile or obvious with my reaction, I just couldn’t stop dwelling on their “snickers” and found therapy elsewhere. I needed to find worth as a man that had been stripped by my spouse. After six months she confronted me and we were able to re-establish understandings (and some rules) to our lifestyle. If I had continued with my “minimalist interactions” with my spouse our relationship would have become nothing more than just roommates with rings. Ignoring my wife was a poor solution to the problem.

For any woman reading this I implore you to insist to know what is going on in your husband’s thoughts. Men don’t like to admit being sensitive but we are, and even if we share our wives with someone else we need to know that our status as husband, or boyfriend if it applies, is still relevant (I established a “sloppy-seconds” tradition as a way to reclaim my wife afterwards). Pay attention to his expressions, demeanor and change in habits. A man may avoid the problem and seek vindication elsewhere. Be prepared to drag it out of him with an understanding attitude and explain your actions (don’t defend the decisions, that can translate into an unwillingness to compromise).

I doubt no two, open-relationship minded couple can be compared since each will have a different set of established boundaries but each need to know what buttons should not be pushed (or pushed vigorously). Sometimes it will take new situation to know whether we have the support of our spouses (which may not be instantly agreed to without internal debate). Cuckolding cannot exist without communications. If both partners are not enjoying the event it can be a catalyst for problems.

Submitted by: Tom, Southwest Virginia

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