hotwifeblog: How would you say guys into this lifestyle are able to control the jealousy emotion in their minds that so many men would never be able to do?
David: First, I think that the jealousy is often still there, but comes out in their sexual excitement, rather than through fear or anger. But more so, I see that these men and couples have developed high levels of communication, and learned to talk about situations that would trigger jealousy, then either avoid them or manage them. And some people seem to just be immune to jealousy, either by virtue of their own personality, or by their confidence in the security of their relationship and the love they share with their wives.

One of the things we have found in dealing with any jealousy in my part is to delay my orgasm until after my girlfriend has spent time having sex with the other man. I found that if I had sex and climaxed with her first, that during the refractory period I didn’t enjoy as much watching her fuck someone else and actually did experience feelings of jealousy. We discussed it afterwards and came to the conclusion that we would always have her play with someone else first. This is where the language to describe cuckold/hot wife/Candaulist activities hasn’t caught up with the behavior. There is a vast spectrum of behavior couples engage in that doesn’t fall into easily defined catagories (I posted the “Intimate with old flame” escapade). Thanks again for the interview.

Thanks for posting this interview with David. I hope you have him back from time-to time.

It is a great title and badly needed research!

I’m sure this is true.

However, for many it is more of an accidental discovery. The wife or GF has been promiscuous before, and now, confronted again with it, men discover they sre aroused by the idea.

Can you guesstimate how frequent this is?

Orson - good question - truly, I don’t know, and suspect that acknowledgment of hotwifing/cuckoldry remains so closeted that this is a difficult question to answer. I’ll say that I saw this dynamic far less frequently than I expected, based upon the prevalence of it in the fantasy and stories around this lifestyle. Dan Savage, Savage Love, clearly believes this is common, expressing what is called the “eroticization of fear” theory, that a defense mechanism to a fearful situation is to make it erotic and arousing, thus soothing the anxious feelings away. Thus, the stimulus of spanking ceases to be fear-inducing, and becomes arousing. However, I think this is unlikely to be a universal explanation, or even truly that common. I saw only a single man whose interest in hotwifing started this way. I think it likely there are many different explanations and causes for this behavior - this may be one, but is not the only one.