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I guess I was far from ready to face my own jealousies and insecurities about sharing my wife especially when I would know that she had a really good time with some guy. But we had set out to make this work, and, fortunately, she was sensitive to my feelings. If it hadn’t been for that, I know that this would have destroyed our relationship

Like a lot of guys, I guess, I got turned on visualizing certain men in bed with my wife. It got to be a big part of our fantasies. When she was in the process of coming, I got her to use certain men’s names and “talk to them” using dirty talk. It turned me on to hear her describe the stuff she would do with them and the stuff she wanted them to do. For me it was a turn on to have her pretend she was talking to a man, offering him sex, etc. Gradually, this became a part of our talk out-of-bed too. When she saw a man she liked, she might say to me, “Honey, is it okay of I let him know I’d like to go to bed with him?” I, of course, would say “sure,” and that was the end of it. This kind of game went on for months and I guess it turned us both on.

And then she called me from work on afternoon and said this guy wanted to take her to a motel, and she asked if it would be okay. I was surprised. Suddenly this was real! But after all the fantasies and talk, I could hardly say “no,” so I said “okay,” and that’s what they did. After sex, he took her out for a late dinner, and she got home well after midnight. I always thought dinner was supposed to come first, but, whatever. I wanted to hear all about it, so we talked until after 2 a.m. I could tell by how she was talking that the experience really excited her. Then I found out that the two of them had kind of been flirting for a long time, and they sort of had the hots for each other. I hadn’t known about this, and with the long dinner and conversation and all, I knew it wasn’t just about sex.

As time went on I could tell that she was really into this guy, and that’s the part that upset me. Once she admitted certain things, we had a big argument about it — very big — and I told her she had violated the first rule about this kind of thing; namely, emotional involvement. [Before that day] she had repeatedly assured me that she could have sex with someone else without emotional involvement — and now I could tell that he was on her mind a lot and that she was obviously emotionally involved.

As I had told her before, that if she was going to do this, she couldn’t just limit things to one guy and get hung up on him. To that she talked about the problem with STDs, and then I reminded her that when we started dating we used condoms, so that wasn’t a good excuse. Well, anyway, our frank discussions came to an end — which was probably mostly my fault, because I was pretty upset about her having something going with this guy. What made it worse it that it was obvious that she wanted to continue meeting him. Since I had said it was okay to start with and she told him that I wasn’t the jealous type, she sort of figured she had the right to continue. That upset me too, but I decided that I had committed myself to this, so I wasn’t going to be the one to call a halt to it. Maybe I could have, but that would mean was totally reversing myself.

Anyway, I just hoped [the relationship] maybe would cool off in time, and eventually it did. I’m not sure what happened — maybe the guy blabbed about the affair to some guys around the office, or maybe they had a work-related dispute — but all of a sudden she said that she wasn’t seeing him anymore. Things had gotten a bit touchy [between my wife and me] on this whole subject, so I didn’t ask for the details. And so I figured this whole experiment had ended in a major failure.

But then she said that some of the men where she works were sort of coming on to her, probably because they had heard about the affair. She’s not beautiful, but she is kind of sensual looking, so I guess that helps. So then I had to adjust to having a wife that guys knew was having sex outside of marriage. I thought about this a lot, and finally decided that after everything had initially said (which she regularly reminded me of) I just had to deal with it.

I finally really opened up about the whole thing — stuff I was holding inside — and by that time, thank God, and especially with the other guy out of the way, she seemed more concerned about my feelings and preserving our relationship. Over Christmas [a few months later my wife and I] each had to attend our respective Christmas parties. When I went to hers, a guy sought me out and we got into a conversation. He started talking about the women around his office who had affairs — I guess, trying to see how I would react. I came right out and said that I knew about my wife’s affair, that we had an open relationship. But the way I said it, sort of shut him down. Frankly, I could have handled that a lot better, but my mind was still pretty muddled over the whole thing. Afterwards, I sort of figured out that he was interested in my wife. I told her about it, and she didn’t seem surprised — or strongly opposed to it. Fact is, after the first experience she was pretty “gun-shy” about the whole thing, and I guess she just decided it was best to just not to say much. Clearly, I had run from very hot to very cold on this whole issue and I couldn’t blame her for not knowing where it all stood. Hell, I didn’t know where I stood. This time I talked to her in depth about it, and finally, with my assurances about it being okay she started seeing him. After a few months that ended and now she now she regularly dates at least two guys. I guess for me all this taken some getting used to.

Of course, the fact that we have an open marriage (nobody knows what a hotwife is) is had become commonly known, and that has caused problems in itself. We lost a lot of our friends over this. Many of my former men friends are afraid to let their wives talk to my wife, for fear they will “get ideas.” A lot of guys think I’ve lost control of my wife, and that’s not what “real men” do.And then their wives are afraid to let their husbands around my wife because they’ve heard that she’s pretty sexually uninhibited now, which, of course, they aren’t.Clearly, fear brings out the worst in people, so now we’re looking for friends that are a bit more secure.

So what’s in it for me?
Frankly not too much anymore. The hotwife fantasies no longer exist for me, and maybe that’s good And she’s now pretty uninhibited about sex, and so I guess that’s good.

But for all those hotwife-cuckold husband wannabes out there, I have to say watch out for emotional involvement; that together with jealousy, can spell major trouble for a marriage. Despite all the conversations and assurances beforehand, this almost doomed our marriage. And then sometimes I run into a guy that has taken my wife to bed. That’s not easy either, but what can you do but grin and bear it and pretend like you totally accept the whole thing? And maybe at this point I sort of have. But a bottom line warning: The reality of all this is one hell of a lot different than the fantasy.

Submitted by: Anonymous - USA