September 9, 2007
How A Husband Copes
Turning a Wife Into A Hotwife
Part VII - “How A Husband Copes”
Of course, all of this can be a difficult adjustment for a husband, especially if it appears to others that he’s being cuckolded in the old-fashioned sense. For this reason, the couple should clearly signal that the marriage is “open,” and just as long as the rules regarding emotional involvement, etc., are followed, the husband wants his wife (hotwife) to have new sexual experiences. He may even talk openly to other men about this, thus making it clear that she is not “cheating” on him.
Even so, given prevailing cultural attitudes, one of the biggest difficulties is for a husband to accept the fact that other men know that his wife is “sleeping around,” and, thus, he must be sexually inadequate or not in control of his wife. The wife can help here by mentioning the many women he’s bedded, and possibly even a women that he regularly sees. This can also serve to justify her sexual behaviour in people’s minds.
Out of a fear of rejection some wives don’t like to put their intentions on the line with men. They may prefer that their husbands approach men that she’s interested in, and make it clear that she would be easy to get into bed. In fact, a husband may find it sexually exciting to offer his wife to another man. He may give the man her cell phone number to arrange a date, or go so far as to set up a meeting place and time. Although the wife understands that sex is assumed, once she meets the man, she still has the option of saying “no,” if a major concern pops up.
Unlike some husbands who’s greatest fear is in thinking that other men might be enjoying their wives in bed, these husbands encourage their wives to regularly let select men take them to bed.
All this being said, and after open, honest discussions about this and assurances that it will not affect the marriage, if the wife is dead set against it, then forget it and move on to other things. Again, the woman is in charge of her body.
As we’ve noted, the cuckold husband/hotwife idea is clearly at odds with cultural conditioning and human tenancies toward jealousy and possessiveness. Although these traits may not be desirable, they are common and must be recognized.
It takes a couple with a strong relationship, an unusual sense of personal security, and an ability to be independent of cultural norms and conditioning to be able to successfully adjust to an open relationship.
In fact, if “affairs” become the norm - and we are almost there now - we may be forced to re-examine our outmoded religious rationales and move to a higher standard, where relationships are based on long-term love and emotional commitment, rather than sexual exclusivity and fleeting physical experiences. Condoned sexual encounters are certainly better than the betrayal of marital confidence in “cheating.” The direction of change seems clear; but, as in the case of most major social changes, it will be a bumpy road.
By: Dr. Cherry Lee
Read Part I - How can I turn my wife into a hotwife?
Read Part II - Getting Things Started
Read Part III - Other Approaches
Read Part IV - First Time With Another Man
Read Part V - Navigating Some Dangerous Waters
Read Part VI - Emotional Involvement
Next Week: Conclusion
