July 11, 2007
Turning a Wife Into A Hotwife
Part IV - “The First Time With Another Man”
The first time will be the most difficult all around, and the husband should be prepared to encourage the sexual meeting, even if the man is not his first choice for her. Subsequent meetings should also be encouraged, until she gets used to having sex with another man and is convinced that her husband has no problem with it. Although the wife may be understandably hesitant to discuss what she’s doing, and this feeling definitely needs to be respected, this is also not a time to shut down communication or avoid the “touchy” issues. Before long, everything must be brought out into the open and honestly discussed. This will also give the husband a chance to adjust to having a wife that other men sleep with - which, when he is first faced with it, may represent a very major adjustment on his part. This is not time to suddenly traverse everything and call a halt to what may well have been his idea in the first place.
Once she starts, he should adopt an unwavering show of support. If the husband responds by showing signs of being possessive or demanding, it may result in a major rift that will spell the end of the idea. These things, together with the pleasure and excitement she should eventually get from most of her experiences with desirable men should keep the ball rolling over the inevitable rough spots they will encounter - and there will be rough spots! Finally, the husband needs to be totally committed to stick with her and stick with the marriage, just as he promised he would, even when major jealousy and doubt enter the picture. (Something else you can count on!) He should keep in mind that other men have adjusted to having hotwives, and, given time, there’s no reason he can’t.
In some cases a man has arranged with another man - often a visiting out-of-town businessman or executive - to stay at the house for several days to save hotel costs and see the town or investigate business prospects. The husband should carefully fill the man in on his wife’s likes and dislikes, and the best way to approach her (generally slowly!). The husband may then ask his wife to show the man around the area, and make sure that the two of them end up being alone together for hours at a time. It’s probably not a good idea to let her know that she’s being set up.
Conversations can flirt with the erotic, which might be sparked by taking in an appropriate movie that he wants to see. Time alone together is the big element here. Often, a woman who doesn’t feel attracted to a man, will change her mind if she is in his company for a length of time. Eventually, things may start to become physical. Once she gets used to this, and if things progress smoothly and the chemistry is right, the man may suggest that the two of them go to a motel; or, by this time, if she is sufficiently comfortable with him, she might invite him into the bedroom at home. The man knows that he already has the husband’s permission, and the wife knows that she has sexual freedom, so, presumably, nothing stands in the way.
After the first time with him, he will probably find that she has diminished - possibly even no - resistance to having more sex with him before he leaves. It’s desirable that she have an opportunity to immediately repeat the experience to try to get comfortable with it. If the husband is brought in on things, he might even encourage them to spend their last night together in a motel. If both men unite in this effort, it will difficult for her to refuse, especially when it is known that she has already had sex with him. If this happens, and after the man leaves, it can bring her sexual experience out into the open where it will be easier for both of them to discuss their feelings.
The husband should be prepared for a wife who, initially, gets a bit overtaken by the excitement of new sexual experiences. She will probably be breaking through many of her earlier sexual inhibitions, and there will undoubtedly be some very mixed and probably even some disturbing feelings on the part of both the husband and wife. Assuming this new direction doesn’t “blow up” in some way - generally because of a husband’s jealousy - these feelings will normally settle in a few weeks or months. The husband should expect that the wife will undoubtedly encounter partners that are more exciting lovers than he is. Just the “newness” of a different partner will provide much of this excitement. In fact, wanting her to experience this is probably one of the husband’s motivations for giving her sexual freedom. However, the quickest ways for a wife to damage the marital relationship and cripple sex in the marriage, is for her to make comparisons - especially with such crass, insensitive statements such as, “John is able to excite me in ways you never have.”
By: Dr. Cherry Lee
Next Week: Navigating Some Dangerous Waters