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Up until a couple of weeks ago I’d never heard of this phrase “Performance Anxiety”.

I was obviously aware of the stories from porn producers about male talent approaching them full of bravado, given the chance to become a male pornstar then introduced to a beautiful woman to perform with and then Lights, Camera Action!….. nothing…The brain starts to think too much and it all starts to go wrong.

I myself have experienced a side of it, at my first night at the swing party.

I was completely fine in the swimming pool with my lady friend and even when some people came in to watch I was enjoying myself so much I was completely oblivious to my surroundings. Then all of a sudden after we’d stopped fucking and I gave her some oral by the side of the pool some of the watchers jumped in to be ‘closer to the action’, she jumped back in for part 2 and suddenly I realized I wasn’t hard any more.

Being in the water might have been a factor but I suddenly thought about the audience - these guys have come in to watch me perform with this woman, they’re waiting for me, watching closely and then suddenly I felt under pressure and had an amazing sensation of self-consiciousness. Being a ‘newbie’ I wanted to show I was fine and relaxed in this situation but my brain was conflicting with my equipment. I went into sensory overload, my nerves came through and I withdrew from the scene saying something like “I’m gonna dry off now, it’s getting a bit cold in here”.

The power of our brain is just incredible sometimes and in a situation where the pressure is there to do something our brain or inner self sometimes wants to do the opposite. The best thing to do is relax and don’t put yourself under pressure to perform. If nothings happening down there, don’t worry, take some time out pleasing the woman with your hands or orally. If you take away the expectation of sex and performance things may happen more naturally.

Here’s some more tips I’ve found on the net:

- Avoid sex for a day or two before your planned encounter, give yourself time to get horny.

- Keep alcohol to a minimum. A drink can help you to relax, too many drinks will make your little buddy relax also . . . not the desired result.

- Don’t ‘mercy fuck’ - which is to be with someone that you’re really not interested in or don’t find attractive.

- It may take time to get used to being watched and the pressure that comes with that but there’s always the help of those little pills that seem to be all over the Internet.

I was very dubious about most of them until I met Morten from an enhancement company at the Amsterdam conference. He gave me a couple of samples which myself and a friend tried. What I found appealing about them is that they are different to Viagra in the fact they are made from natural ingredients and are free of chemical additives. We both had great results with our partners but I think I took mine a bit late and had a bit of trouble sleeping afterwards but I am very tempted to get some more for my next swingers party just so I can remove that anxious element before it decides to rear its ugly head.